What Women Want #1: A Million and One Thoughts
A week ago I was sitting with a friend outside after work. And we got on the topic of how woman think about men. She said, “We (women) will make a decision, then ten seconds later, question and regret the decision. Then, we’ll keep going over it in our heads for days. Then! We’ll change our minds and do it all over again….”
As a guy with a simple brain (when it comes to love, sex and Netflix) I couldn’t imagine the torment of that.
Men are relatively simple. We want sex, someone to lean on when we need a break from fighting barbarians and and being tough, and someone who will be an excellent mother to our children.
The more I talk to women and ask these questions I’ve always had sitting in my head, the more perplexed I am by the female specimen.
Though these brief glimpses into the minds of my female friends gave me an idea.
Ask. More. Questions.
This blog is the precursor to a book I will eventually compile from interviewing women from all walks of life.
With the hopes of finding the Holy Grail of Love: What Woman (Actually) Want.
There are a lot of problems worth fixing in the world, but If I had to choose one, it would be to fix the disconnect between men and women. I hope this series helps to bridge that divide.
“D”
D bartends at the most popular bar in town. She might also be the most beautiful woman working that bar, in a town with more macho-hornballs on snowmobiles and dirt bikes then the X-Games.
One night I was sitting at the bar with her and a grown man sent his younger sister to ask for D’s number. D said no with elegant politeness. When the girl left, she looked at me with bugged out eyes and asked me why any guy ever thinks that works.
I explained to her that he was terrified to ask in person. That she intimidated him. He wanted to escape the worst parts of rejection. She rolled her eyes.
“Does it ever work when a guy asks you out at the bar?”
“No, never. You don’t know me. If we run into each other outside of work and I get to know you afterwards, maybe, but never at the bar.”
I briefly recalled the memory where I asked her out at that bar, a year ago, in person, which I think she still hasn’t realized.
I laughed to myself.
I wondered what the line was exactly between being picked up at the bar as opposed to behind it. I suppose I’ll ask her some other time.
After work we sat at the break table and I asked her about how woman think when it comes to dating. That’s when she hit me with the constant-second-guessing-hell that most, if not all woman deal with.
I sat with this notion for days, shared this sacred knowledge with my guy friends who all fell back in amazement like simple caveman dazzled by the first ever roaring fire.
“Oooga Booga?”
Why do women’s minds work like this?
I have a standing theory about how personalities are built in the individual that helps me to pick apart these sorts of questions and I’d like to use it for this.
I believe we are shaped by three things; Natural biological urges from the nature of our species, cultural influence and our personal convictions from personal experience.
So when I think about the million and one thoughts dilemma with women, which seems to be a systemic issue, I know it has to boil down to the either the biological nature of woman, or the nature of our culture, or a little bit of both.
But why would women be evolutionarily shaped to do this? Is it a sort of constant sexual reset button to ensure they continually strive to reproduce with the most fit male?
Is it because women are not suppose to be monogamous and the feeling of constantly making a wrong decision is due to the fact that they aren’t actually suppose to make a decision? (Free Love anyone?)
Or is it the culture we live in? This automatic, self-indulging, instant gratification, caffeine pumped, button clicking, finger swiping rage circus that has reprogrammed all of our brains to constantly be looking for the next best thing, all the time?
…I’m glad I could clear things up for everyone…
Maybe this blog won’t answer any questions, maybe it will just help to ask better ones.
But maybe that’s all we really need.
So remember,
always love,
fast and lose,
hard and true.
Take a ride
Then dry your eyes
It’s not good bye,
just see-you-soon.
